So what’s now?

This is the question I often ask myself, so what’s now?

I’ve achieved what I wanted so what’s now?

I’ve become what I wanted to be so what’s now?

I’ve love of my life with me so what’s now?

All my dreams have come true so what’s now?

I’ve a tendency to forget things I have or I’ve achieved in my life. I make plans after so much hard work and dedication and then I forget them or get distracted.

I don’t really want to change when I’m with you. I want to be crazy for you even after getting married. This fire of love should never extinguish!! 

I couldn’t care less

They say  “one who cares less is powerful in a relationship”. I never cared for power in our relationship, I cared for you only, that’s the reason I let you decide everytime. Don’t think I’m weak and can’t take decisions. I can, like I took a decision for myself to go forward without you. 

I was born in an abusive family, I was never abused but women in my family were. The day I met you, I decided to throw away this inborn temperament for you. I never wanted to hurt you and I hope I never did. 

It’s not always a woman who changes a man, sometimes it’s a man who changed himself for his woman.

PS these notes are a part of my 40 days of contemplation in which I used to focus on my flaws and come out as a better person.

Love letterĀ 

Dear Grace,

This is my first handwritten letter to you in almost 5 years. Yes, it’s been 5 years of knowing and loving you. I don’t remember the exact date on which we met, it was the grace of God that brought me to you. When I look back, I see how silly I was, with you I’ve become a good person (maybe not). A lot has changed after you came in my life and I’m grateful to you for that. 

You know, I’m on verge of changing myself again and I work hard everyday. I’ve spent a long time in darkness and now I can see the light, I’m not there yet but I’ll be there soon. You’ll be surprised to know the things I’m doing these days.

How are you?

Do the kids at school still bother you?

You have bought a new car?

Are you playing baseball this year?

So many questions lol!!

Sometimes I can’t understand your actions and then I realize that this is because I see you from the point of view of a man. I never thought women are different.

I miss you, love. I miss you very much!

I don’t know how to be this letter as I feel like I could write for years and still not get tired.

Thank you for who you are. In one way or another you’ve always helped me.

Yours lovey

Ardolph

PS I love you

“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like the morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

Your Birthday

Last few days or I must say months

have been hard for me and

I think I’m making them hard for you too

with my whimsical moods.

Honestly, I feel unloved and ignored

most of the times, but it is not

your fault as my heart has been

very needy or greedy these days.

But I never stopped loving you

It is easy to fall for you than

to build a wall against you.

One day, I came to know that

Rumi wrote 10,000 poems for his beloved.

The only figure that came to my mind was 10 million.

Without you, I’m shallow

like this poem, no rhyme

no rhythm, just simple living.
I could write sad poems

But no, today is not a sad day.

It’s s day brimming with joy

If it’s not, I’ll steal everything from the sky

Just for you.

Your birthday comes on the last day

of August, bringing a change in the nature.

Just like you brought in my life.

You are an ocean

I want to be drowned in.

Knowing your heart is not easy

for it requires breaking my heart 

a million times.

Do you think I can endure it?

 I don’t know much about life

this world and love

but I know one thing

that you’re beautiful

and you always will be.

P.S I think it’s time to use the past tense since you are no longer in my future.

Turning pages

30 years ago I was born
Life to me was unknown
Little by little I grew
The path wasn’t straight but askew
I was taught not to make mistakes
But this is what I love to partake.

If life were a book
Some pages would be blank
Some dusty
Some full of art
and some rusty.

I’ve survived promises and lies
I’m still strong and still I rise.
I’m always prepared to die
This is how I live my life.

This is the day I remember most
because I have filled it in forms so many times.